He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
