p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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