At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
