do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You dont lie about slip and slides
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Oh god it's open bar.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
