david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
