He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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