I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
