nut hugger
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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