i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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