Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
