We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
