i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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