i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
