how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
