I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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