Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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