Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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