Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I want her autograph on my taint
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
