chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
