i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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