really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
