after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
