I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
