i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
