It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
