I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
