Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
