I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
