Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
