four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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