i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
