Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
