Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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