wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize