I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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