I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
