So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
