The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You need a sexual gate keeper
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
