I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
