Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Panties = found
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
