All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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