At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
