My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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