Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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