She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
