this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
