Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
