why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You may now shotgun with the bride
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
