I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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