She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
