I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
