OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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