Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
