im drinking this country out of the recession.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
