Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
