Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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