fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
