Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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