I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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