she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
