so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm passing your future prison.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
