So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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