my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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