He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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