I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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