did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
