you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
