i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
