No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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