you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
