ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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