Define "chronic" masturbator.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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