my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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