**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How does one acquire holy water?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
