Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
