How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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