You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
