Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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