she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
